"Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him." - Psalm 127:3
I have been hearing a lot in what I read that "God wants to bless you with a baby"....in His timing, when you have stood the testing and learned the lessons. Or, "Someday, God will bless you with a child." I want to believe this idea, this idea of God blessing me with a family, I do. But, I don't believe our God is a God of calculations. It isn't like, "Jessica do this, then I will bless you." And maybe I am just reading into it all wrong, but I am struggling with this whole concept of God wants to bless you. I know God, as a loving, Holy Father wants to lavish us with His love and with gifts beyond what we can comprehend. Yet, I have a hard time thinking that our definition of gifts can even compare to what He has in store for us (1 Cor. 2:9). Hasn't he already given us the greatest Gift we could ever ask for, eternal life, forgiveness of sins and restoration through His Son Jesus Christ (Genesis 15:1, John 3:16)?
"I am your shield, your very great reward.” - Genesis 15:1
In my mind, it is great to think that God wants to give me gifts, grant me the desires of my heart, but I can't be too blind to see that maybe the desires of my heart (my selfish, flesh drawn heart) are dictating what I think God plans to bless me with. What if I am missing out on His much bigger gifts by thinking that the gift at the end of this trial or maybe the next is a baby? What if God is trying to teach me lessons bigger than time and space, to ultimately or not necessarily bless me here on this earth, but bless me into eternity? God's blessing does not always take the form of a baby in my arms. My lack of children right now, does not mean God is withholding blessing or favor from me. He blesses me daily in more ways than I can count, but I need to focus my heart to receive and see those blessings.
If God is ultimately after His glory, if all I do and say here on this earth is ultimately to bring Him praise (1 Peter 4:11, Psalm 46:10), I believe that His blessing can come in different ways to each of us. To some, it might be in the form of a child (Psalm 127:3). To others, it might be a ministry. To some, it might simply be food to sustain them for another day. Who am I to know in which form God will bless our family? Our wants and desires, He wants to give them to us, but first, we need to make sure that our will and pursuits are chasing wholeheartedly after what He wants, His will (Psalm 37:4, 40:8). In that pursuit of Christ, our desires change and morph into aligning with His plan. He begins to lead and direct the desires of our heart. I think through this surrender and aligning of wills, our ultimate chief end goal becomes the blessing of knowing Christ, understanding His gift and resting in the peace of God's sustaining power (Psalm 63, Phil 3:10-11).
"I have seen you in the sanctuary3
and beheld your power and your glory.
and beheld your power and your glory.
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.4
I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.5
I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you." - Psalm 63:2-5
At the end of all this, I must look at my heart. Does my desire for a child outweigh His desire for my life? Am I really after God's best for my life, or just a plan I have made up in my mind that I think will make me happy or bring Him praise? My will and God's plan may line up, but they may be vastly different. I want to be about God's will, whether that leads to my baby or not. If I pursue bringing a baby home above all else, it only becomes an idol to me, a distraction from God's perfect, precious plans. Certainly, God will not bless my idolatry and pursuits with the very item that could be drawing me away from seeking Him first and foremost in my life. This misconception that God wants to bless me by giving me a baby, it can draw me into a place of mistrusting God. It can make you want to give up hope in God when this supposed "blessing" hasn't shown its precious face. We miss sight of what God is doing in the here and now, we miss sight of the blessing He has already bestowed upon us. We are children of a living (1 John 3:1), breathing God that desires nothing more than for us to glorify Him with everything we have, baby or not. When I get to the end of this life on earth, it isn't about how many children I had. It isn't about how I raised my children. My life is to be about God and about what He is working. He has already blessed me, redeemed me through His Son. Anything more really can't compare to that truth.